Lacayo's complaints and the Chibi Vampires.

What was that? Why are the credits rolling? Is this supposed to be the halftime show or something because if not ….I must have missed something…? I can now see why this is considered a movie and not a film. I can also see how a film differs to a movie.

It HAD potential.

Just like Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D is a movie made solely for entertainment, there is no agenda to it…no postmodernist commentary or psychoanalytical concept. It’s just a movie, and a crappy movie if I may say so myself. There are so many things that are either not explained, not even mention or regarded as something absolutely normal that really just had my eye twitching in protest by the half way mark.

For example, when the girl (I can’t even remember her name because her lack of personality left no impression in my mind…therefore I will call her Pants due to her obvious lack of them) is bitten by the vampire… nothing happens, apparently she’s a threat to the village. Later on, however, everyone is okay with it and she’s just in her home as if nothing happened. I wish there would have been a gradual transformation in Pants’ physique and psychology, something like: she’s slowly turning into a vampire and D has to do something to revert it before it’s too late. But no, she’s bitten and the issue is not really mentioned again.  We then have that haunted place that is only mentioned once in the whole movie, there was so much hidden potential with that aspect of the movie but it was just explained as a myth. Also, the fact that the movie was set in a post apocalyptic earth was something that could have had a little more backstory. Why is it post-apocalyptic? Where did the monsters come from? If its the future, then why is it like the wild west?

These two shared the most
AWKWARD HUG
I've seen on screen.

What the heck? As Pants' future is being discussed we have this doctor dude who shows out of nowhere and is apparently great family friend of some sort. He pops out from the side and tells a creepy story and apparently we're all supposed to know who the heck he is. The doctor was pretty much the equivalent of a wooden plank with a face on it. Stale and completely two dimensional. And then he turns into a vampire!? There is no character development with this guy and all of the sudden he’s evil and crap. But apparently this wooden plank was pretty loved because Pants mourns him after he pretty much handed her over. Then we have the little brother….who not only has the voice of Princess Jasmine from Aladdin but also came out as quite annoying. I’m not even going to continue with them. All i can say is that the characters, the setting, the story HAD potential. However, it seems as if the producers wanted to be over with this nightmare as soon as possible so they just had D slash and burn through all the goons and stab the old vampire in the eye. Nevertheless, I DO want to stress on the next...

What...the....heck?

 Now the one thing that REALLY bothered me was the hand….D has a face on his hand. Where in the crap did it come from? Did he like eat a person’s soul and in retaliation received the failed sarcasm growing out of his hand like a leech? Was he cursed? Born with it, man do I pity his mother…Does that thing even have a name? WHAT? The thing had potential to be a good backstory, a decent comic relief or even an element that could have added some mystery. Instead we get a random parasite.

You want to read a funny manga/ watch a good anime about vampires, romance and ridiculous nosebleeds? This anime/manga may not have action elements or the really dark mood of other vamp anime but its hilarious. Go look for Chibi Vampire and stash away Vampire Hunter D in the deepest corner of your memory, never to be discussed again. Those who refuse to not talk about it will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

Fully ramble-o-matic.
“WTF happens when the STUPID arbitrary time limit runs out? Do their battle royal collars explode? They lose honor and disembowel themselves? WHAT?”-Zero Punctuation

"Come here! 
There's something awful 
deep in my chest 
I know I shouldn't tell you 
but it's making a mess 
And it's starting to hurt 
come and ease the pain 
Just be here for a second 
I'm sure you can keep me sane

Something awful is now 
taking over my life 
I would cut it out if I could 
maybe you should give me a knife 
Please come and tell me 
what you think is wrong 
Maybe you can fix it 
the pain's been here for so long

Open my chest and you'll see 
something really awful 
I already know what it is 
and I'm sure you do too 
Within my chest lies 
a totally broken heart 
And you're the one who 
slowly broke it apart

In my chest is 
something awful 
A broken heart is 
something awful

Something awful 
Pretty awful 
This is something awful"

- Thank you Lucy Dieckheus for helping me choose a song that reflects my thoughts as i watched 1.20hours of pain.
-Xavi